Emotional intelligence

We often tend to think that intelligence is the result of the IQ test. In reality, intelligence is much more than that. In fact, only 20% of people's success is due to the intelligence found in IQ tests. 

Being intelligent is knowing how to understand, know, learn, analyze and adapt to new situations according to the needs of the context. It doesn't matter whether intelligence is cognitive or not, the common main goal is to ensure our survival through good adaptability in the world. Intelligence is difficult for many to understand and analyze. This is why, certain theories count no less than 7 types of intelligence: linguistic, logical-mathematical, spatial, musical, bodily, intrapersonal (or emotional), naturalistic and interpersonal.

Linguistic intelligence

This is the ability to use language to express oneself and develop one's simple and complex ideas as well as to understand others, whether orally or in writing. Generally, people with developed linguistic intelligence enjoy reading, writing, doing crossword puzzles, learning new languages, etc.

Logical-mathematical linguistic intelligence

This intelligence is the ability to manipulate numbers, to solve logical problems using specific reasoning, to observe and analyze situations to be able to create new hypotheses. People with this intelligence are gifted in calculation, problem solving, structuring logical systems, etc.

Visual and spatial intelligence

It is the ability to orientate oneself and find one's bearings in an environment, but also to be able to make connections between the different objects present. It is therefore a question of being able to imagine, visualize a layout or a route according to the information we have. Artists, for example, often have great visuo-spatial intelligence.

Musical intelligence

It is the ability toidentify, think, create, recognize soundsand harmonious rhythms. Therefore, people with great musical intelligence will be able to memorize and interpret musical sounds, and will be sensitive to words and their sound.

Bodily or kinesthetic intelligence

Being able to use your body (in whole or in part) and its movements to express your ideas is proof of good bodily intelligence. This intelligence requires a lot of physical training.

Intrapersonal (or emotional) intelligence

Emotional intelligence is an integral part of intrapersonal intelligence, since it involves being able to introspect your needs and feelings in order to improve your reactions to different situations.

Naturalistic intelligence

Naturalistic intelligence is the ability to know and recognize plants, animals and different environments. More broadly, it is about having a particular sensitivity for nature and living beings.

Interpersonal intelligence

This intelligence requires empathy and tolerance. It is the ability to be able to listen, understand, collaborate, help others to have good, lasting and authentic social relationships. Emotional intelligence is very closely related to this type of intelligence as well.

To understand what emotional intelligence is, it is fundamental to have a clear idea of what emotions are. Emotion is an intense physiological, psychological and emotional state, lasting more or less long. It is a primary response of our brain to an environmental stimulus. This emotion will make it possible to trigger certain actions for the rest of our body: being able to share joy, clarify misunderstandings, and above all avoid danger. This intelligence, rightly valued, will allow us to be able to use our emotions as a driving force to go further.

Emotional intelligence is therefore an intelligence mainly focused on emotions. It is therefore about theability to identify, understand, analyze, learn, controlour own emotions. But this intelligence goes even further since it is also about being able torecognize and understand that of the otherin order to harmonize our speech and our actions according to the feelings they have. In order to respect ourselves and our interlocutor, it is important to tune in to our own emotions, and those that we have recognized in others. 

Take the example of an everyday situation. You have just heard excellent news and are particularly happy. You have an appointment with a friend. When you find her, you see her crying. Naturally, you are not going to jump into his arms to shout all your joy. You will moderate your words, try to understand what she feels and support her, without being as sad as her and suppressing all the joy within you. In this situation, you are demonstrating emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is an intelligence in its own right, since it allows us to process information according to a specific spectrum. They are in reality guides to our needs. Indeed, emotions highlightspecific needsthat have not been heard or responded to. Emotional intelligence then allows us to process functional information. 

It is important to understand that everything we experience, we experience through the filter of our emotions. You must have noticed that when you are happy, or filled with positive emotions, you more easily see all the positives in your day. It's the opposite when you start your day with negative emotions.

Emotional intelligence is particularly useful for good harmony between professional, personal, relational and health levels. 

From a professional point of view, being able to analyze your own emotions and those of others and being able to deal with them will allow you to work effectively, make the right decisions, and improve the transmission of information with others. This will also allow you to avoid burn out or ergophobia.

From a relational point of view, emotional intelligence is the essential point for good communication, conflict management, building healthy relationships and cooperating despite differences.

From a personal point of view, it is important to be able to understand your current state, be aware of your current state and not give in to impulse and frustration. Good emotional intelligence will allow you to make better decisions and achieve your professional goals more easily. It also allows for better assertiveness and self-confidence.

Allowing yourself to be overwhelmed by your emotions biases your reasoning and makes everyone adopt inappropriate behavior.

Emotional intelligence is divided into four main concepts which are the essential pillars and components.

Self-awareness

It is the ability to become aware of one's emotions, to understand them, to recognize them and to understand the influence they can have on our daily life, on our decision-making and in our life. It's about learning to understand them to better guide us, and not making them a hindrance in our life.

To do this, we must try not to let ourselves be overwhelmed by several emotions that affect us but to name them one by one and to learn to know the triggers of these emotions to better prevent and manage them.

Self-management

Self-management is the ability to control your emotions and manage your impulsivity. Indeed, everyday life makes us experience different positive and negative emotions, and the accumulation of our emotions sometimes makes us think that we no longer control our emotions or the situation.

To try to achieve this goal of emotional intelligence, try to perceive that you are feeling overwhelmed by too many emotions. Close your eyes to refocus on yourself and breathe, deeply, slowly, taking your time... all your time. Heart coherence is a good tool that will allow you to take the time to manage your heart rate to refocus on yourself

Social awareness or awareness of the emotions of others

It’s about knowing how to detect other people’s emotions and showing empathy. It's about understanding the emotions of others, trying to understand their needs, their concerns and their difficulties. 

With this in mind, we make the bridge between ourselves and the other who suffers. We then adapt our behavior, our speech, our means of communication…

Relationship

It is the ability to manage social relationships, its ability to inspire, and control the impact of the influence of our emotions on others. The idea is tohelp others to developthanks to their feelings. Thanks to the synchronization of our emotions with those of others, it is easier to be able to cooperate and motivate others. In this way, we will help others to carry their emotions to move forward further. 

In order to demonstrate good emotional intelligence in social relationships, it is important to demonstrate flexibility and active listening.

Our intelligence and our brain are shaped by lived or repeated experiences. You may know Slumdog Millionaire which traces the life of an Indian considered too intelligent, because he has the answer to everything. In reality, he makes connections with all his experiences, and learns from them. So that’s why he’s intelligent. In his case, it is mainly cognitive intelligence, but emotional intelligence acts in the same way. 

Regardless, part of our emotional intelligence is found in our DNA. Indeed, when we experience a situation, a certain emotional baggage present in our brain is activated. 

However, emotional intelligence can be developed and worked on in order to improve it.

To have great emotional intelligence, you must be able to answer these different questions: 

• Do I know how to read and understand the emotions of others? 
• Can I analyze my own emotions? 
• Am I aware of the consequences of my words and actions?
• Do I know how to control my impulsiveness? 
• Am I able to question myself and take a step back from my emotions? 
• Am I able to name my emotions, and am I able to be aware of the words when I express elements relating to my emotions?

It is fundamental to not be afraid of your emotions, but to consider them as creators of social bonds, and as essential elements in decision making and conflict management. 

We must therefore pay particular attention to our emotions, even negative ones, whether they are in ourselves or in others. In reality, they are there to transmit the message of an unmet need. A negative emotion is a alert about the need to change something inside or outside of you and to seek a solution.

Once the emotion is defined and identified, we must ask ourselves the question of need. For example, anger may be because you feel that your need to be listened to, considered) or for justice has not been met. Fear can be a lack of security. Sadness can reflect a loss with a need to mourn something or someone. You can use the Needs of Maslow's Pyramid to better understand what is important in your life to experience serenity.

Once this is accepted, it will be easier to find solutions.

As a reminder, there are six families of emotions: joy, sadness, fear, disgust, anger and surprise.

Like all intelligences, it is possible to develop this intelligence by following these few little tips.

Embrace your emotions

Learning to manage your emotions means first of all being able to recognize them. Take the time to observe them, to ask yourself the question of what emotion you really feel deep inside. Ask yourself if this emotion is pleasant or unpleasant. Ask yourself what energy is linked to this emotion. And then, ask yourself what need this emotion was meant to meet and what rational solution you could find to fill it. Mindfulness meditation is a great way to take time to listen to what’s going on inside you.

Decode your emotions

Take the time to try to understand your emotions to find out why you are feeling the way you are right now. Ask yourself the question “and before this happened to me, what was I doing?”. This way you will be able to understand what triggered it, and why it generates this negative emotion in you. Does what you feel there or the event you have just gone through echo another element from the past? Does a memory appear? If you're experiencing stress at work or at home, try to understand it and ask yourself how to fix it.

The important thing here is to decipher your emotions with kindness. Don’t pass judgment on what you may be feeling. A message is trying to be transmitted by your body. Don’t bury it, hidden behind lasting, unexplained anger or sadness. This tool can be similar to self-observation which can be useful to you on a daily basis.

Label your emotions

It is very difficult to have the appropriate vocabulary to really put the right word on the emotion felt. It is easier to say “it’s okay” or “it’s not okay” without clearly developing and understanding your emotion. Yet many words exist to define our emotions and their intensity. Being able to recognize, name and distinguish them helps us understand what we really feel, and to be able to manage them. 

Don’t be afraid of these emotions you feel. This is why you can talk about it, whenever it seems appropriate to you. The people around you will be able to understand your current feelings, your reactions, your motivation, etc. With the right words, those around you will only be able to understand you.

Take care, slowly but surely

Bottling up your emotions will only make them more difficult for you to deal with. If you do not accept the emotions you feel, it is impossible to take care of them. So accept that you may feel certain emotions. Then take the time to deal with them one by one. When you feel an emotion, identify it, analyze it, and understand what it means to you.

Understand the emotions of others

Try to apply the different tools with other people. They also feel emotions and have sometimes surprising reactions. However, it is not always easy to understand them and act with them. Take the time to get feedback, dare to ask the right questions. How does the person feel deep inside? What makes this moment difficult? Use active listening techniques. Paraphrase some things the person said to you to make sure you understand them and to let the person hear what they may be feeling as well. 

For your part, accept not having all the keys to help the person, but accept being able to guide them. Whatever happens, don’t hesitate to question him if necessary.