assertiveness: communication technique

Today, we are going to discuss an essential element of cognitive-behavioral therapy applied and enhanced by virtual reality: assertiveness.

Which patients will be affected by this type of technique? These are mainly patients who suffer from social phobias. So often, those who have difficulty speaking in public, those who are afraid to express themselves, those who are afraid to say "no" or even those who do not dare to assert their point of view. It's really important to distinguish between introspective and shy people, because being introspective is not a pathology at all. Shyness is a normal personality trait that should not be corrected because it is simply not an illness. Where you need to intervene is when the person is suffering from psychological suffering from social phobia.

This psychological suffering of social phobia is precisely that the person is afraid of being badly judged by others, is afraid that they will be found stupid, idiotic, ugly, poorly made-up, etc. The person is therefore in pain and as a result will have difficulty expressing themselves. Her self-confidence in communication being very low, she will tend to say "yes" to everything. This person will not be able to express their desires or even their needs.

To help your patient, you can offer him lots of tools found in cognitive-behavioral therapy associated with virtual reality. One of the major tools for social phobia is “assertiveness.”

What is assertiveness? Well, it’s a balance in expression and communication. It's about helping your patient express their needs, but without overwhelming others. The goal is not for him to express himself aggressively or assert himself by crushing others, but for him to assert his needs while being attentive to the needs of others. To summarize; help him find balance in communication.

We're going to cover three different parts of assertiveness so that you can teach your patients this technique as comprehensively as possible. In this article, we will detail the basics of this technique so that you have a good foundation. You are then free to add other elements or improvise.

Non-verbal aspect of communication

Hands-voice expression

The first thing that is important is communication techniques or in other words: how to properly communicate your point of view, your thoughts, your ideas. There are two aspects to distinguish: the non-verbal and verbal aspect.

The non-verbal aspect concerns the expression of the body. You must tell your patient that when he speaks, he must remember to use his hands, because they will help him get the words out. Don't hesitate to go "Italian fashion" and bring out ideas using your hands. Help your patient, for example, use the virtual reality environment set in an amphitheater to coordinate hands and words. As the sessions progress, your patient will get better and better at coordinating this expression.

The facial expressions

Facial expression, facial expression, is the second important thing that we will discuss with you and that we advise you to discuss with your patient.
It is good for the patient to listen to the ongoing conversation and for their expressions to vary. If, for example, he hears funny things, it is important that there is a facial expression with joy. Or that when we tell him good news, a smile appears, the eyebrows move and the cheeks move. It must be congruent. That is to say completely in harmony with the conversation. It is obvious that you should not smile if you announce a death or during a funeral. In this type of situation, we should expect facial expressions from the patient that evoke a feeling of sadness. Facial expression is a very important part of communication.

Distance

Still, in non-verbal communication, another element is important: distance. When speaking in front of a person, there must be a distance of around 1 or 2 meters so as not to be too aggressive. If your patient positions himself too close, he will appear brutal and on the other hand, if he is too far away, he will appear distant and cold. Maintaining a good distance is therefore essential for good communication.

Control of your body

For social phobics or even for the youngest of your patients, giving speeches, going to the board, doing an interview or speaking at a professional meeting is a big problem. It is up to you, in particular, to support them in this learning to control their body. In this type of situation, your patient should not be slumped or stooped. He must let his body express itself by maintaining a relatively upright but relaxed position.

The look

The look is also important. The patient must be able to look at his interlocutor, but again with a certain balance. The idea is to tell your patient that he is looking at the interlocutor but, of course, without staring either. We look at our interlocutor for approximately 90% of the discussion. He must not be a shifty gaze, so he must not constantly look elsewhere, but on the contrary, he must look at the person in the face in a temperate manner.

Verbal aspect of communication

We will move on to the verbal part of the communication technique. How should your patient express themselves in a professional meeting, in class, in the evening so that their needs and ideas can be communicated correctly?

Curiosity and interest

The first thing to advise your patient is to show curiosity and interest. This means that in a conversation, your patient really needs to listen to the person in class to properly introduce a subject and to show curiosity. He must make other people feel his interest, for example, by starting by asking questions. Social phobics often don't know what to say or do. To combat this, just tell them to start by asking very, very simple and mundane questions. He will be able to practice asking these questions with you, but also and above all in front of avatars in virtual reality with the C2Care environments. Typical questions are: what did you do this weekend? what do you have planned for your vacation? what movie have you watched recently?

Listening

Then, apart from curiosity and interest, it is important to listen. Listen carefully to what you say in order to gather information that will be useful for the conversation. If he has listened carefully to his interlocutor, who, for example, really appreciates tapestries or even sport, he will then be able to ask appropriate questions: why do you like making tapestry? What do you like about surfing? Good listening will allow your patient to take up elements mentioned by the interlocutor in order to then be able to discuss a subject of interest to the latter.

Introduce a topic

Apart from knowing how to listen, it is important to know how to introduce a subject when you have ideas. Having ideas is good, but it's just as interesting to take the time to observe your interlocutor. The patient listened to him, the patient asked him questions, but he can also observe how his interlocutor acts because that can give him clues regarding the questions that your patient may ask. For example, if he sees that the interlocutor is wearing a cap with the image of OM (the Marseille football team), he can pick up on this element and thus ask questions: "I see that you have an OM cap. Tell me, what do you like so much about this team? What did you think of their last match against PSG?

The fact of carefully observing the interlocutor already allows the patient to have a set of questions to ask and to be able to initiate a conversation. Social phobics have difficulty initiating a conversation, but observing their interlocutor (clothes, handbag, watch, etc.) will help them initiate an exchange.

Doctor Malbos tells us an anecdote: in the hospital cafeteria, he met a young lady who was wearing a watch, makeup and a pink T-shirt. Dr Malbos went to meet him and shared his observations on his outfit, which then led to a discussion.

Give compliments

The other way through observation is to give compliments. This is a great way for a social phobic to start a conversation or introduce a topic. Be careful, you must tell the patient that he must not flatter himself, because the goal is not to lie, but on the contrary to share his positive thoughts. Observation is therefore very important. If, for example, the person is well dressed, your patient may compliment their outfit. “This skirt matched with this jacket, it’s really very elegant”, “Your tie is really very pretty, you must have chosen it carefully”.
Obviously, it will be a good way to introduce a subject. Plus, from a psychological point of view, everyone likes compliments. This compliment will touch the positive thinking and the ego of the interlocutor, making him more willing to start a conversation. It is therefore an excellent way for social phobics to start an exchange. Complimenting is a method of maintaining or introducing a conversation.

Overcoming a blockage

Once your patient has all these elements, he will surely ask you the following question: how do I find a subject? When I face people in a meeting or even in a bar, I don't know what to say. I'm stressed, my hands are sweaty, I'm stuck, I can't find something to talk about.

Well, at that point, you can advise your patient to go to information sites the day before the meeting or bar trip. Let him find out about what is happening in the world and select articles on interesting subjects such as unusual, amusing, scientific news, etc. The idea is that he can read them and learn them. Even if he wants to learn them by heart, it doesn't matter, it's even recommended. Indeed, when he is very anxious, he will no longer remember the articles he has read. The fact that he learns them by heart or at least that he reads them very carefully will help him, the next day, to introduce them during a topic of conversation.

Introduce current topics

But then how to introduce these current topics? The patient cannot say outright "I saw funny kangaroos in Australia", it will not work, people will not pay attention to him. The patient must introduce the subject with a question. Your patient may, for example, say: have you seen all these kangaroos in Australia? or: have you ever seen kangaroos in Australia?

Obviously, the interlocutor will appreciate this question which shows that we are interested in him and will therefore respond. "No, no, I've never seen one. What happened to these kangaroos in Australia?" This is where the patient will be able to introduce the subject.

Laughter and smiles are important. If your patient hears a joke or joke during the evening, of course, laugh. These news and these topics of conversation inspired by current events, you will have to say them with a smile and therefore avoid having an icy face. The patient will be able to practice expressing this news with something that is a little warm, a friendly expression.

If your patient faces a disagreement in the conversation, he should not hesitate to concede. assertiveness does not mean being aggressive, it is also understanding that sometimes we are wrong and therefore making concessions.

We have just seen together, thanks to Doctor Malbos, non-verbal and verbal techniques. Combined together, these techniques are an excellent ally for your patient and their affirmation. They can be practiced in virtual reality then, once your patient is ready, in real life.